I’ve been staring at the color in my veins and how they stay. How I still feel I’m tired, but awake. Somewhere out there, there is someone thinking of what I haven’t gave them yet, and feeling that I can’t in my disarray.

Before you can grow up, you must fall in love 3 times.

Once you must fall in love with your best friend, ruining your friendship forever. This will teach you who your true friends are, and the fine line between friendship and more.

Once you must fall in love with someone you believe to be perfect. You will learn that no one is perfect, and that you should never be treated as any less than you deserve.

And once you must fall in love with someone that is exactly like you. This will teach you about who you are, and who you want to be.

And when you’re through with all that, you learn that the people who care about you the most are the ones that you hurt, and the ones that hurt you are the ones that you needed the most.

But most of all, you learn that love is only a concept and is not something that can be defined, it is different to each person that experiences it. And you will learn to respect each and every person on this earth, knowing that everyone only wants to be loved.

I can recall the nights that I spend awake contemplating sleep better than the nights I actually spend sleeping. Anxiety likes to hold hands at three in the morning, and why it chooses that time is beyond me. I spend my nights doing a variety of things, but mostly I spend them imagining seeing the world and playing music with my best friends. In a way, this keeps me sane. It makes the lackadaisical days pass quicker. It makes the meaningful days seem Heaven-sent. These nights I spend in reverie make me feel like a child again, dreaming of open air and passing notes. Harmonies and the deep ocean blue.


A girl recently told me that music saves lives. I sheepishly shook that comment even though deep down, I knew it was true. The redundancy in the statement “music saves lives” needs no mention, but the meaning and relevance behind the idea of “saving a life” does. Music is the collaboration between the heart and soul to create a message that a normal voice would fall short of accomplishing. With that in mind, it’s no surprise what music is capable of doing. This all sounds so tongue-in-cheek, but why are people condemned for speaking a message of love and happiness? Why does our local music scene seem more like a seasoned sports rivalry and less like a slumber party with best friends? Some would laugh at the message I’m portraying, and I’m sorry that that’s the case. I pray that one day soon they’ll get the feeling that I felt the first time I heard my mom play the piano. It’s one of my first memories from childhood. Taking into light the situations our community, let alone the world is in, we need something to hold us together. What better than music?


Remember being six years old and thinking about how cool it would be to actually fly like Peter Pan? I do. I’m twenty-one years old and I get that feeling about playing music. To me, that feeling never left. Every time I hear a song that sparks a memory, or have a random line pop into my head, or pick up a guitar to play with my friends, I get that child-like innocence inside my heart. Isn’t that what love is all about? Innocent happiness that isn’t taken for granted? No ulterior motives, no competition, no hatred. Music can be the glue that bonds us together, we just have to let it. It’s for everyone. It’s a bond between people, cultures, and beliefs. We need a common ground. We need to love and be loved, and to evoke that message through the headphones. When we’re drowning in life’s sea of grievances, we need music to be the lifeguard.

‘Speak now or forever hold your peace’, the words said by preachers at the end of wedding ceremonies all over the world, right before the vows. It’s a last chance for protest, a moment that makes everyone’s heart race, and a moment I’ve always been strangely fascinated by. So many fantasize about bursting into a church saying what they’d kept inside for years like in the movies. In real life, it rarely happens.

Real life is a funny thing, you know. In real life, saying the right thing at the right moment is beyond crucial. So crucial, in fact, that most of us start to hesitate, for fear of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. But lately what I’ve begun to fear more than that is letting the moment pass without saying anything.

I think most of us fear reaching the end of our life, and looking back regretting the moments we didn’t speak up. When we didn’t say ‘I love you’. When we should’ve said ‘I’m sorry’. When we didn’t stand up for ourselves or someone who needed help.

Words can break someone into a million pieces, but they can also put them back together. I hope you use yours for good, because the only words you’ll regret more than the ones left unsaid are the ones you use to intentionally hurt someone.

What you say might be too much for some people. Maybe it will come out all wrong and you’ll stutter and you’ll walk away walk away embarrassed, wincing as you play it all back in your head. But I think the words you stop yourself from saying are the ones that will haunt you the longest.

So say it to them. Or say it to yourself in the mirror. Say it in a letter you’ll never send or in a book millions might read someday. I think you deserve to look back on your life without a chorus of resounding voices saying ‘I could’ve, but it’s too late now.’

There is a time for silence. There is a time waiting your turn. But if you know how you feel, and you so clearly know what you need to say, you’ll know it.

I don’t think you should wait. I think you should speak now.